Bowling Figures Of Speech

bowlingball.com, Originally Posted: 4/11/2012; Updated: 8/4/2023

bowlingball.com continues our series of Editorial articles with a humorous approach to our beloved game and its participants. This article is titled Bowling Figures Of Speech and is intended as a means for us to poke fun at our own shortcomings and those of our fellow bowlers. No maliciousness is intended in any way but rather only a glimpse at things we may sometimes think but seldom say regarding this great game.
Paraprosdokian sentences lead us down the path to unexpected endings.
Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokian statements. Bertrand Russell enjoyed them as well. Admittedly, I have a personal magnetism for satirical alliteration as well.
Here is an example of bowling paraprosdokia:
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it."
Below are several of collective renditions of bowling paraprosdokian sentences; we hope you enjoy reading them and perhaps they trigger a time or two where you may have been prone to expressing similar comments:
1. Do not argue bowling with a bowling league officer. He or she will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is beat you in bowling competition. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some bowlers appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with your knowledge about the game of bowling, we'd both be wrong.
5. I pounded the 1-3 pocket all night for a 540 series.
6. I don't bowl as much as I should. So my excuse for my recent low scores is I only bowl about 3 games a month; Shamefully, my scores should be higher based on my skills. My most recent game scores were 267,242, & 279.
7. To steal ideas from one bowling writer is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

8. I thought I wanted a career in the bowling industry. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
9. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify…….. I put ' Bowling Pro Shop.'
10. I didn't say it was your fault I bowled so poorly, I said I was blaming you for my bowling poorly.
11. Women will never be equal to men in bowling until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut.
12. A clear recollection of your bowling scores is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
13. When it comes to playing lanes, I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. You're never too old of a bowler to learn something which makes no sense whatsoever.
15. To be sure of hitting your target on the lane, roll your ball first and call whatever you hit your target.
16. Bowling nostalgia about “the old days” simply isn't what it used to be.
17. Going to the local bowling center and averaging 220 for the season doesn't make you a bowler any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Paraprosdokian sentences often express overtones of sarcasm or irony. If these comments extract a bit of humor in some way, then the intent of this article will have been successful. We encourage your opinions and comments, as always, because our community visitors are of prime importance to the mission of our company. Feel free to share your humorous anecdotes about the world of bowling.
"Everyone's opinion is of value except the ones where we do not agree..."....LOL
Rich Carrubba
bowlingball.com